The Who's On First
by MrTyeDye
Summary: Luan wants to help Luna label her classic rock and pop playlist, but some of the songs have pretty peculiar titles.


**A/N: Well, this is a bit of a change of pace for me. For one thing, it's my first TLH fic that doesn't involve Lincoln at all. I've also decided to take a break from the mushy heartwarming stuff and deliver a straight-up comedy. Hope y'all enjoy!**

* * *

One Saturday afternoon, Luan was lying on her bed taking a nap, when she was awoken by the raspy voice of her rock-obsessed older sister.

"Hey, Luan, can you help me with something?" asked Luna.

Luan sat up from her bed with a yawn and a stretch. "Sure, what?"

She looked across the room to see Luna sitting on the beanbag, with a CD jewel case and a pen in her hand.

"I just put together a rockin' playlist for our next road trip," said Luna. "It's a medley of classic hits from the 60's and 70's, AKA, the golden age of rock and pop. I even had a label printed out for it!"

Luna walked over towards the bunk bed and handed the jewel case over to Luan.

"You still use CDs?" asked Luan.

"Eh, I'm old fashioned," Luna said with a shrug. "Point is, I made a pretty bone-headed mistake when I printed out the label. Take a look at the back."

Luan turned the case over, and immediately spied the problem; all the artists were listed, but none of the songs were.

"I forgot to put in the song titles! Can you believe it?"

Luan kicked back her head and let out the cheery chortle her siblings had come to know and love. "That _is_ pretty bone-headed!"

"I know, I know. Anyway, the good news is that I still remember all the titles by heart. Would you mind writing them in for me?"

Luan raised an eyebrow at her. "Can't you do that yourself?"

"Yeah, but your handwriting's way neater than mine," said Luna.

Luan rolled her eyes, but decided to oblige, seeing as she didn't have anything better to do that day. She took the label out of the jewel case and uncapped the pen.

"Name the track and the artist, and I'll give you the title," said Luna. "As a warning, some of the titles are a little strange."

"I don't think that'll be a problem," said Luan. "Hmm… okay, Track 1 is a song by The Temptations."

" _Get Ready_."

...

An awkward silence ensued as Luan hovered her pen over the label, awaiting Luna's further instructions.

"Are you gonna tell me the name of the song?" asked Luan.

"Sure."

"Then what is it?"

" _Get Ready_."

Luan blinked. "I _am_ ready. Just tell me what the song is called."

" _Get Ready_!"

"I'm ready!" cried Luan. "The pen is in my hand! Tell me the name of the song!"

"I _am_ telling you the name of the song!"

"But you..."

Luan stopped herself and took a deep breath, massaging her temples.

"We'll come back to that one later," said Luan. "For now, let's just move on. Track 2 is by the Beach Boys. What's it called?"

" _God Only Knows_."

Luan gave Luna a befuddled look. "You did say that you made this playlist, right?"

"All by myself."

"And you remember all of the songs you put in?"

"Yep."

"Then what's Track 2?"

" _God Only Knows_."

"I... you..."

Luan grimaced and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Luna, did you memorize the playlist or didn't you?"

"I did!" said Luna.

"Well, you clearly didn't remember Track 2, so we'll move on to Track 3. This one's by Marvin Gaye."

" _What's Going On_."

Luan gave Luna a pointed glare. "We're moving on from Track 2," she said, her tone starting to get snippy. "Now, tell me the name of the Marvin Gaye song."

" _What's Going On_!"

 **"** I just told you, we're doing Track 3!"

"I know!"

 **"** Then _tell_ me what it's called!"

"What's Going On"!

Luan dropped the pen and label and threw up her hands. "What's going on?! God only knows!"

"No, that's the Beach Boys."

Luan's now-empty hands balled themselves into fists, and she started gnashing her teeth together. "Are you trying to make this difficult for me?" she asked. "Is this payback for all those April Fool's pranks?"

"No, dude, I'm just giving it to you straight," said Luna. "I don't know why you're getting so upset."

"Then what's Track 4?" asked Luan, picking the pen and label back up. "The one by the Kinks?"

" _Lola_ ," said Luna.

Luan gave Luna a peculiar look. "What about her?"

"Hmm?"

"You said you picked all the songs yourself, right?"

"Sure did," Luna said with a prideful smirk. "Nobody in this house knows the classics like I do."

"Then why are you bringing her up?" asked Luan.

"Bringing who up?"

"Lola!"

A split second later, Lola peeked her head through the bedroom door, which had been left slightly ajar.

"Somebody call me?" she asked.

Luan groaned.

"I heard my name," said Lola. "Do you two need me for something?"

"No, Lola, we don't," said Luan, gritting her brace-clad teeth. "Or, hell, maybe we do. God only knows."

"Beach Boys," said Luna.

Luan produced a low, guttural growl, prompting a worried look from Lola.

"Are you sure everything's okay?" asked Lola.

" _Yes_ , Lola," snapped Luan. "Luna was just about to read me Track 5. By Donnie Osmond."

" _Go Away, Little Girl_ ," said Luna.

Lola let out an indignant gasp. "Well, I _never_!" she cried, storming away from the door and back to her room.

Luan shot Luna a dirty look. "Luna, what the hell?! You can't talk to your little sister like that!"

"Like what?" asked Luna, looking genuinely confused. "I was just trying to tell you the name of Track 5!"

"Which is _what_?"

" _Go Away, Little Girl_!"

At this point, Luan was just gawking at the rocker in disbelief. "Now you're calling _me_ a little girl?! I'm only one year younger than you!"

"I didn't call you anything!"

Suddenly, the two of them heard a knock at the door. Before they could respond, the door opened to reveal their mother, Rita.

"Girls, I heard shouting. What's wrong?"

Luan pointed an accusatory finger at Luna. "Luna won't tell me the title of Track 5!" she griped.

"Track 5?" asked Rita, taking another step inside. "What's going on?"

"No, that's Marvin Gaye," said Luna.

Rita eyed Luna confusedly. " _What's_ Marvin Gaye?"

"God only knows!" cried Luan.

"BEACH BOYS!" the two sisters hollered in unison.

Rita could do little but look at her daughters in utter bewilderment and slowly, but surely, back out of the room. Once she completely left the premises, Luan spoke up again.

"You do realize that we're five tracks in and I haven't written a single song title," she said.

"And whose fault is that?" asked Luna.

"Pretty sure it's yours, but whatever. Track 6 is by the Eagles."

Luan hovered her pen over the label, fully prepared to write something - _anything_ \- down. "What's the title?" she asked.

" _Take It Easy_ ," said Luna.

"Hmm?"

" _Take It Easy_."

In response, Luan put the pen down and took some long, deep breaths before turning back to face her sister.

"You know what? You're right," said Luan. "I got excited, and I'm sorry. I'm ready to do this with you."

She picked the pen back up. "Now, tell me Track 6."

" _Take It Easy_ ," said Luna.

"I _am_ taking it easy. I'm calm now. What's Track 6?"

" _Take It Easy_."

"I **am**!" Luan blurted out, before catching herself and lowering her voice. "Sorry. I _am_. Just please read me Track 6."

" _Take It Easy_."

Luan dropped the pen again and started babbling incoherent, irate-sounding gibberish.

"A-a-are you trying to get a rise out of me?!" she demanded. "Is this-is this some kind of game to you?!"

"Luan, I'm not playing games," said Luna. "I'm honestly trying to let you help me."

"If that's true, then you can read me Track 7," said Luan, snatching the pen back up. "It's by Deep Purple. Shouldn't be hard."

" _Hush_."

What followed was an awkward, minute-long silence between the two girls, during which Luan's expression grew more and more incensed with each passing second.

"I'm waiting..." said Luan.

"For what?"

"For you to tell me the name of Track 7."

" _Hush_."

Luan pounded her mattress with her fist. "I _did_ hush!" she snapped. "I was quiet for a straight minute and you didn't tell me anything! What do you want me to do, read your mind?!"

"No, I want you to write down Track 7!" cried Luna, getting a little excited herself.

"Which is **what**?!"

" _Hush_!"

Luan slammed the pen down onto her bed as hard as she could, stood up, grabbed Luna's electric guitar and started brandishing it like a club.

"Luna, if you don't start giving me song titles, I'm gonna beat you with this guitar until I'm holding just the fretboard!"

Luna shrunk into the beanbag and threw up her hands, fearing for both her own safety and that of her precious guitar.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Careful with that axe, Luan. Whatever I did, I'm sorry. Just-"

 **"** Let me guess," spat Luan. " _Take it easy_?"

"No, that's the Eagles."

Luan shot Luna a deadpan glare and let the guitar fall from her hand. It hit the floor with a sharp clang, causing Luna to cringe.

"Screw this, I give up," Luan said as she stomped towards the door.

"Luan, wait!" said Luna. "I know we can get this done if we just keep at it!"

Luan gave Luna a contemptuous snort. "You really expect me to believe that after five minutes of being jerked around? Yeah, dream on, Luna."

"What?"

"I said _dream on_!"

"Oh, that's Aerosmith."

" **GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!** "


End file.
